Not Caring

Sometimes I feel like when you care too much about something/someone, you leave yourself vulnerable to getting hurt. I know all that sayings about if you don't care about people, people won't care about you, ya-da ya-da. But maybe my case is a bit different. I find that it stresses me out when I care about what people are doing or saying. And this caring thingy is seriously starting to kill me.

I'm sort of the black sheep in my team. Maybe it's because they speak Chinese and I'm a certified 'banana'. Or maybe it's just because our 'senior' is the ring leader, telling the other two minions to sabotage me. Don't ask me why she's doing it or how I know...just call it a hunch.

They are always talking about stuff, even work stuff, and they just completely ignore me. It's not like I was sitting at the other end of Timbuktu office, my table is just right behind theirs for crying out loud! And the work stuff they talk about is something that I'm also in charge of, but somehow there is a participant in the conversations that has nothing to do with the task at all. When users come to me and ask a question about the task, I'm just left hanging there, without any clue as to what the heck is going on.

So everyday I have to eavesdrop on their conversations so that when I hear them talking about anything work related, I can quickly turn around and roll my chair over to their place just so I won't be left out of the loop. Do you have any idea how freaking tiring this is?!?!?!?!

Today was the last straw. I saw that one of the minions emailed a user about something related to the task I'm involved in and CC-ed the other minion but not me. So I got pissed off, and I made a concious effort to just ignore it when they are chatting on their IM without me, or leaving me out of their conversations, and boy, did it feel GOOD! I just didn't care about what they were doing or saying.

From now on I'll just do my work, lay low, and if upper management ask me why I'm not up to date with the tasks, I'll just say that I'm hired to systems configuration, not hacking into people's emails and spying on them.


P.S. I've actually talked to one minion about this and to include me in discussions next time, but so far, nothing has changed. Oh well, I think end-of-year review with upper management should be a good time to vent.