Censorship, my a**!!!

*This post has been censored in accordance to the examples provided by the censorship board. Sincerest apologies if there are any words left uncensored; but to the writer who has been using the English language for her whole life, those uncensored words which you deem offensive are perfectly acceptable to her sensibilities*

Do you notice nowadays when you are watching tv, the characters will be talking, then suddenly a word that they said will be muted out. Or in some cases, you would even encounter a long pause; their lips will be moving but you just don't hear a thing. Welcome folks, to the world of Malaysian censorship. I totally have no idea what the brilliant people at the censorship board are thinking of sometimes. Ok, so you want to censor some expletives like "f*ck" (see, I'm already censoring it for you....), no problem with that...but why would you want to censor some harmless thing that wasn't even said in a bad meaning?

The other day I was watching Kingdom of Heaven. Nicely enjoying the show when suddenly Orlando Bloom was muted out. Like, what the bl***y h*ll???!!! And by reading his lips, I could tell that what he said was "assalam******kum". And he was just saying it in greeting of this other Syrian guy...Heh? Is it wrong? So I asked Wawa if it was against Islam for a non-Muslim to say it. And he said that it was just a greeting in Arabic that meant "Peace be unto you". Huh? So why was it bleeped out when Balian said it?

And that's not the end of the idiosyncratic things which the Censorship Board does. What bout censoring words like br*astfeed (simply because it contains the word br*ast), va*ina, p*nis...eh hello, these are parts of the human body la...How else are people supposed to refer to it? "My 2 lumps of fat on my upper torso"? "My thingy down there"? So now br*astfeed will become "Feed with the 2 lumps of fat on the upper torso." Bang*ng betul...And do you remember the children's show Power Rangers? Last time it was called Mighty Morp*ing Power Rangers, but then our esteemed Censorship Board people had their little pow wow and decided that the word Morp*ing had to go because it sounded like Morp*ine, and that will make all the future leaders of our country who are watching the show want to go out and get high.

Kids: "Mighthy Morp*ing Power Rangers...morp*ing, morp*ing, morp*ine! Hey! I need to get some! Who cares if I haven't even heard bout it or even know what it is, or if I don't even have any money to get it, or even where to get it from. I just wanna get it!"

Seriously, I only knew bout morp*ine when the Censorship Board created such a hoohaa over the similarity between the 2 words...Then they banned Daredevil because they said it had "violent content" (eh, there are even more violent shows showing on Astro now la....) and "Hero-worshipping someone with a devil-sounding name" (=_="...no comments...). Not only that, they also HAD to change the title of the movie H*llboy to SuperSapiens.

And it's not just restricted to movies. What bout magazines? Sometimes you buy a magazine imported from overseas, open the covers, flip through it then find the lingerie ads inked out. Like hello, it's a women's magazine! We women want to see the lingerie! It's not like we're gonna look at the half-naked women then feel all horny and masturbate you know (most of us don't anyway...). Sigh...I also dunno what to say anymore la...I'm ok with them censoring the big things that are politically or religiously incorrect, but the little things...??? The censors all think we Malaysians are stupid little children who have no sense of reasoning and need to be cushioned from every single thing from the outside world isit? Why can't they just leave it up to us to make up our minds bout what is good for us and what is not?

Sensitivity

I have been asked before why I hang out more with boys. I guess it's because guys are not as sensitive and 'siu hei' as girls. I'm more comfortable around them because I don't always have to REALLY watch what I say around them. They won't get easily offended when people tease them. Some girls tend to nitpick and look for hidden meanings inside a joke, even though there are none. Hey, I tease people, and I don't mind if people tease me back...no harm done....Haha, ok, very funny.....If I really am offended, I'll tell them to their face that I don't like it. Unlike a FRIEND of mine, X...

You see, it was just a little harmless teasing and it wasn't meant to be mean or anything. But maybe X is a little over-sensitive and for some reason, she felt that I was dissing her...Seriously, I wasn't...!!! And the thing is, if she was offended, she didn't say anything to me....Instead, she pretended that everything was fine and then proceeded to diss ME in her blog the next day. She didn't put my name but she knows that I read her blog....Like, what's up with that???!!! Well, now I'm returning the favour...though, I'm not really dissing her like how she dissed me....

So now, lesson learnt:

• Watch what you say around girls.

• Think it through before you tease girls. In fact, maybe I shouldn't even think about doing it, in case anyone of them has got 'siu che pei hei'.

• Don't assume that you know your friends. They might surprise you one day with the things they do.

Blogger's block

My blog has been pretty much dead for the past few months. The last post was like in December 2006. The thing is, I am always blogging bout something new but I'm just too lazy to finish it. I sometimes also find it hard to find the right words to express my thoughts. My brain not only works faster than my tongue, but my fingers also; before I can type out what I'm thinking, I've already lost that thought and gone on to the next one. And it also doesn't help that I don't have an internet line at home. So my half written blog would just be sitting there, unposted and unpublished.

But then the other day I was chatting with TzeLun and I found out bout his new blog (he just bought a domain for himself...everyone seems to be doing that nowadays). Then I mentioned that my blog was like nyawa nyawa ikan already (I don't even renew my chatterbox anymore coz I know it would just get deleted after a month of no chats) and TzeLun said that he was gonna link me in his new blog.

"Har...you gonna link me again ah...??!! But my blog like dying there already..."
"Then now you got more incentive to update your blog lor..."
"But lazy lah..."
"Cannot be lazy...Must update your blog...Go, go..."
"Sigh...ok lor..."
"So, you want me to put 'Stephanie' or 'Clueless Devil'?"
"Err...put 'Clueless Devil' lah...I shy la if put my name there..."
"But isn't your name already stated in your blog...?"
"Ya...but at least people won't know that it's me immediately when they see the name on your blog...."
"Oh...ok then...............Done!"

You see, I'm still quite shy bout my blog. I think less than 10 people know bout my blog. Not many people knows bout it coz I simply don't tell them. If they happen to find out that I have a blog and ask me where is it, I don't tell them. They'll just have to find it themselves if they want to read it. But actually, it's not THAT hard to locate anyway...

So there! Now I have something new on my blog, so if someone happens to click on my link on TzeLun's blog they'll have something to read. Wakakaka!!!

P.S. : I actually just only uploaded new posts after the December 2006 one, that's why it doesn't seem like I had abandoned my blog that long....But seriously, I did.... :P Wakakaka!!! The joys of back-dating!!! Now, to renew my chatterbox...again....