"Not so soon..."
One of the biggest lies you've ever told.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
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By:
babedevil
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
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By:
babedevil
My Perfect Valentine
Someone asked me for ideas to celebrate Valentine's Day. Well, I would probably be the last person to dish out good ideas, since I've never really celebrated V-Day (as far as I can remember anyway).
But it got me thinking, if I were to celebrate (and had someone special to celebrate with of course), what would I do?
First thing that popped into my mind?
Heading up to some hill with a great view at night, with pizza and a good bottle of Moscato. Having good conversations throughout the night under the stars, with the twinkling city lights below us.
Throw in a baseball bat or two for protection, lots of mosquito repellant, and a blankie to keep me warm (or maybe I'll just rely on him for that... ;)).
And that is what I call perfection.<3
But it got me thinking, if I were to celebrate (and had someone special to celebrate with of course), what would I do?
First thing that popped into my mind?
Heading up to some hill with a great view at night, with pizza and a good bottle of Moscato. Having good conversations throughout the night under the stars, with the twinkling city lights below us.
Throw in a baseball bat or two for protection, lots of mosquito repellant, and a blankie to keep me warm (or maybe I'll just rely on him for that... ;)).
And that is what I call perfection.<3
Friday, January 27, 2012
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By:
babedevil
When...
When does love turn into indifference?
When does love turn into dislike?
When does love turn into avoidance?
And when does love become only a memory?
When does love turn into dislike?
When does love turn into avoidance?
And when does love become only a memory?
Saturday, January 21, 2012
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By:
babedevil
Reflections
Lately, I've had a lot of time to reflect, take a step back to gain some perspective.; about life, mistakes, what's real and what's not.
If nothing else, time to reflect was something I had.
And recently my reflections have been mostly centered on one question; "Is it possible to be a rebound for 3 years?"
No, that shouldn't be the question. It should instead be "Did I matter that little?".
Or "Was I so horrible?", that it only took less than 6 months to replace me?
Whatever the question is, it hurts.
If nothing else, time to reflect was something I had.
And recently my reflections have been mostly centered on one question; "Is it possible to be a rebound for 3 years?"
No, that shouldn't be the question. It should instead be "Did I matter that little?".
Or "Was I so horrible?", that it only took less than 6 months to replace me?
Whatever the question is, it hurts.
It is possible to be happy for someone, and yet, be sad for yourself.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
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By:
babedevil
Ramble On...
"Love? What's that? Can eat one ar?"
Little sayings and habits picked up from the past that are a part of my life now, in everything I think in my head.
"I wanna know what love is~~~~ I want you to show meeee~~~~"
Chocolate peanut butter waffles, Mango Nata de Coco pudding, chocolate cake, cups and cups of Revive. *om nom nom nom* I'm probably not doing my kidneys any favour.
On a sugar high ramble now.
Little sayings and habits picked up from the past that are a part of my life now, in everything I think in my head.
"I wanna know what love is~~~~ I want you to show meeee~~~~"
Chocolate peanut butter waffles, Mango Nata de Coco pudding, chocolate cake, cups and cups of Revive. *om nom nom nom* I'm probably not doing my kidneys any favour.
On a sugar high ramble now.
When lovers break up with you, they leave behind parting gifts we like to call emotional baggage, which are then inherited by any person you might love in the future. Whenever you do something crazy, your new lover can say, “Gee, what jerk ex do I need to thank for that intimacy issue?!” You become a cumulation of everyone you’ve ever dated. You are a sum of someone else’s private parts.
Friday, January 13, 2012
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By:
babedevil
Use Somebody
When it hurts so much, you turn to the first person available and whisper, "Make me forget...just for a while...make me forget..."
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
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By:
babedevil
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
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By:
babedevil
Being Prepared
No matter how much you try to prepare yourself, you can never be really ready when it finally happens.
It hurts to know that you can be replaced; even more when it's so relatively soon...even sooner than the last.
It hurts to know that you can be replaced; even more when it's so relatively soon...even sooner than the last.
Sunday, January 08, 2012
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By:
babedevil
My Happy Place
Do you have a place where you love to go to, which never fails to cheer you up and lift your spirits? A place that has been your happy place for a very long time, long before anyone else came into your life, long before you invited him along to your happy place.
What if one day, you went there, hoping it will cheer you up as it always had, but then you realised that things have changed. Everything you see now reminds you of things you once had, things that you'll never get back. The earlier memories have been overshadowed by more recent memories, until you can only remember the times where you were not alone at your happy place.
You look around, trying so hard to find the joy again, but everywhere you look, you are acutely reminded of everything that you have lost.
There are people all around you, but you have never felt more alone. And at the same time, you feel so suffocated, that all you want to do is get out of there and run far, far away.
Today is the day that I realised I have lost my happy place, and that I didn't know how to get it back.
What if one day, you went there, hoping it will cheer you up as it always had, but then you realised that things have changed. Everything you see now reminds you of things you once had, things that you'll never get back. The earlier memories have been overshadowed by more recent memories, until you can only remember the times where you were not alone at your happy place.
You look around, trying so hard to find the joy again, but everywhere you look, you are acutely reminded of everything that you have lost.
There are people all around you, but you have never felt more alone. And at the same time, you feel so suffocated, that all you want to do is get out of there and run far, far away.
Today is the day that I realised I have lost my happy place, and that I didn't know how to get it back.
Thursday, January 05, 2012
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By:
babedevil
When I'm Ready?
"Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely."
I don't want to force myself to fall in love. I don't want to have to settle for anyone just because I'm lonely. Because I know it won't last. It won't be true. And it won't be fair to the other person.
But then again, what if I wait, and a few years go by before I get that feeling in my tummy again; of butterflies doing happy little jigs all around. And then I spend another 3 years on the relationship, only to have it crumble down on me again. By then, I'm 30. And I wait again for the butterflies, then 3 years, then everything falls apart again. And the cycle repeats itself.
Before you know it, I'm in my mid-30s, or even 40s.
I don't want to waste 3 years after 3 years, chasing my forever after. Giving my heart away, only for it to be found wanting, to be deemed inadequate.
I want to have kids. And this might be a complication in itself because of my medical condition. So I want to have them while I'm still healthy and able to, with as little risk as possible. But if I wait, I'm afraid that I might lose that chance.
I still want to believe in butterflies and happily ever after. But I'm afraid that eventually, I will have to settle for mediocrity, and "ok" instead of "great".
Some people seem to be able to fall in love with a snap of their fingers. But I never could.
Maybe I have too high expectations. Maybe I'm always looking for that 'click', that comfortable silence. Always analysing, and thinking twice, 3 times, before taking that leap; before uttering those 3 words. Because when I give my heart away, it's like hiding it in miles and miles of tangled yarn; to get it back, you would need to completely untangle the strings, without the help of scissors.
Maybe because for me, "love" comes hand in hand with "forever".
I wish others felt the same way.
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
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By:
babedevil
The Bigger Picture
I have always over analysed everything. Probably because I like to have all my facts right. Good? Bad? I don't know. I just know that I like to be prepared. That's probably the reason why I bring my Doraemon bag with me everywhere.
So after going through every conversation and every thing that was said, I realised that it all came down to one thing; everything fell apart was because the bad was just too much to handle. And the bad just kept piling up because they were never really dealt with, just swept aside, and pretend everything was alright. The bad became so overwhelming, to the point that the only option one party could see was to give up.
That was the problem.
We tried so hard to fix everything else, but we somehow missed out on the most important thing; communication.
We focused on the little things, and lost sight of the bigger picture.
At the end of the day, no matter how much you love each other, things won't work out without communication, because misunderstandings will take its place.
Will I make the same mistake in the future? I don't know. Time machines don't exist, where we can go to the future and see how badly we screw up our lives or how we finally do things right, nor can we go back in time to undo what has been done.
All that can be done now is to hope for the best, and hope that when the time comes, we will remember the mistakes of our past, and finally make the right choice in the future.
So after going through every conversation and every thing that was said, I realised that it all came down to one thing; everything fell apart was because the bad was just too much to handle. And the bad just kept piling up because they were never really dealt with, just swept aside, and pretend everything was alright. The bad became so overwhelming, to the point that the only option one party could see was to give up.
That was the problem.
We tried so hard to fix everything else, but we somehow missed out on the most important thing; communication.
We focused on the little things, and lost sight of the bigger picture.
At the end of the day, no matter how much you love each other, things won't work out without communication, because misunderstandings will take its place.
Will I make the same mistake in the future? I don't know. Time machines don't exist, where we can go to the future and see how badly we screw up our lives or how we finally do things right, nor can we go back in time to undo what has been done.
All that can be done now is to hope for the best, and hope that when the time comes, we will remember the mistakes of our past, and finally make the right choice in the future.
"One day you may realize you've lost the moon while counting the stars."
Monday, January 02, 2012
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By:
babedevil
New Beginnings
Received an email on New Year's day with the following link:
http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/
Most of the things on the list are things I have come to realise myself over the past few months. Meaningful things that I constantly remind myself of.
And in some ways, I have also come to realise that I have changed, and yet, still remain the same.
http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/
Most of the things on the list are things I have come to realise myself over the past few months. Meaningful things that I constantly remind myself of.
And in some ways, I have also come to realise that I have changed, and yet, still remain the same.
He's your best friend. Be happy for him.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
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By:
babedevil
The Saddest Thing
"The saddest thing in the world is when two people, who at one time knew everything about one another, act like strangers."
2011 was supposed to be the beginning of a new point in my life; one of the happiest times of my life. But instead, everything went horribly wrong.
This was the year I lost a loved one, and my best friend.
Thoughts are all a jumble in my head. Words don't come easy for me. Maybe that's why people misunderstand me. Perhaps that was what went wrong. Everything I've said seems to have made things worse.
Someone once told me that people can't change; but I have seen first hand that this isn't true. People can change so much that you don't even know who they are anymore. The person you fell in love with, disappears; and in its place, a stranger.
Is there a time limit that stipulates how long until a person has to move on? That if a person hasn't moved on by a certain time, they are doomed to a lifetime of misery and despair? I don't know.
Should a person force themselves to move on when they're not ready? Would that count as really moving on? Or do we do so just because others tell us that's the right thing to do?
I honestly don't have any answers for anything anymore.
Until now, so many questions remain, but I guess there won't be any answers forthcoming; because the person who could provide them is lost to me now.
We used to talk about everything. But now, there's just silence.
The pain is not as acute anymore, but it's still there. Just more of a numb pain now.
I'm starting to move on from losing a loved one. But the hardest thing right now, is to move on from losing a best friend.
2011 was supposed to be the beginning of a new point in my life; one of the happiest times of my life. But instead, everything went horribly wrong.
This was the year I lost a loved one, and my best friend.
Thoughts are all a jumble in my head. Words don't come easy for me. Maybe that's why people misunderstand me. Perhaps that was what went wrong. Everything I've said seems to have made things worse.
Someone once told me that people can't change; but I have seen first hand that this isn't true. People can change so much that you don't even know who they are anymore. The person you fell in love with, disappears; and in its place, a stranger.
Is there a time limit that stipulates how long until a person has to move on? That if a person hasn't moved on by a certain time, they are doomed to a lifetime of misery and despair? I don't know.
Should a person force themselves to move on when they're not ready? Would that count as really moving on? Or do we do so just because others tell us that's the right thing to do?
I honestly don't have any answers for anything anymore.
Until now, so many questions remain, but I guess there won't be any answers forthcoming; because the person who could provide them is lost to me now.
We used to talk about everything. But now, there's just silence.
The pain is not as acute anymore, but it's still there. Just more of a numb pain now.
I'm starting to move on from losing a loved one. But the hardest thing right now, is to move on from losing a best friend.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
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By:
babedevil
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
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By:
babedevil
Mistakes
Over-analysed.
Expected too much.
Pushed too far.
Loved too hard.
Those were mine.
Some people say you should go out and sow your wild oats, experience all there is before settling down with the perfect one. And in the course of our search for the perfect one, we get so hurt and disillusioned, until love ceases to become as pure, because now we are so caught up in thoughts of potentially getting hurt again and how we are going to prevent that.
But what some people don't realise is while we are out there looking for that perfect one, we may have walked by the one who we were meant to be with.
I want love to be as innocent as it once was.
Monday, October 10, 2011
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By:
babedevil
Her
I would prefer to find out about her where I can deal with it in private; not in public.
It's worse, not knowing, but suspecting.
It's worse, not knowing, but suspecting.
Sunday, October 09, 2011
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By:
babedevil
09.10.11
The day that was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life.
The day that I would have started a new chapter in my life.
The day that I would have started a new chapter in my life.
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
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By:
babedevil
False Hope...
...is a dangerous thing.
But how do you tell the difference between real hope and false hope?
Or maybe they are one and the same.
But how do you tell the difference between real hope and false hope?
Or maybe they are one and the same.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
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By:
babedevil
Life before 06.07.08
Reading through my old posts, I realised that I DID have a lot of fun.
And I will again. <3
And I will again. <3
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About Me
- babedevil
- Meet a clueless banana, whose brain works faster than her tongue. More often than not, by the time her tongue catches up with her brain, she has already forgotten what it was that she wanted to say...resulting in the statement, "I was gonna say something..." Still trying to find herself.